Walkies.

Today I went to Dinton Pastures, Woodley, Reading.
I told my mother I was going to enter a photography competition and she found it necessary to help me in any way. So we drove to Dinton Pastures and walked the whole way around the MASSIVE lake in the middle. Took fookin' ages but well worth it for the pictures I got.
I also collected a number of dragonfly wings. For the record, I didn't pick them off of dragonflies. It seems that the birds eat the dragonflies but not the winds because there's an abundance of the wings on the ground, generally under trees.

Anyway the cameras I had at my disposal were my Canon 300D equipped with a macro lens.
A 35mm Panoramic Compact Flash. Sounds shit but SO good. Pictures yet to be processed for this one. Will upload later.
And my aunt bought this snazzy 12mp digital snappy camera, it had some funky settings on it so I explored this too. Panasonic, I think. Will assume so for now.



This is my aunt, Lynda. Taken on the Panasonic, Pinhole mode.




This is a goose. Taken with my Canon.




Taken with the Panasonic, pinhole setting. SOOC.




LOVE this one. Taken with my Canon avec macro lens.




Taken on the Panasonic with a 'Black and White film' setting. Quite affective. Gives the same effect as an SLR with black and white film but obviously not quite so authentic or fun to develop but easier to get better results because the Panasonic was automatic.




Taken with my Canon. I think he's actually really beautiful. Though he was quite viscous, he didn't like me getting too close.




Wink wink nudge nudge. Doesn't take a genius to figure out what these guys are doing. I though it was brilliant that it sort of made a heart shape when they were positioned like this. Taken with the Canon. You can;t imagine how long it took me to find two that stayed still enough for long enough. Mental.




Panasonic, Pinhole mode. This photo makes me REALLY want a pinhole camera. I love how the contrast varies from the edge of the frame to the centre.




Again taken with the Canon and macro lens.




This is my mother. None to happy with me stopping her to take a picture of her. Though this is quite often a look she gives. That's just how she is.




Robin :). Canon + Macro lens.




Black and white film settings on the Panasonic.




Love the colours in this one. Canon + macro lens.




Panasonic. Black and white film setting. Exposure was lessened for this one. This makes it look like its winter when it was taken.




This is the amazing I saw :) He is truly beautiful. His name was Barney and he had perfectly white fur.
When I told his owner that I liked his horse, he said 'he is big isn't he. A lot of the time he's more like an ass; a pain in the ass.'
What a joker.

It must be love, love, love...

No really, it's love. I really really really want one.
This is the classic legend Diana F+ camera. The chrome version because I'm not too keen on the Black and Aqua one, though it is the original so I wouldn't complain if i managed to acquire one.
I have only one problem with this camera [besides the fact I haven't the money to buy it] is that it's medium format. Don't get me wrong, in general this is a big plus, love medium format but it's expensive to buy [though probably not as expensive on ebay in bulk as the average 35mm film is in general] and not as easy as a quick trip to boots like it is with 35mm film.
There is a solution to this but once again its costs. Quite a bit in fact. There is a back you can get for the Diana+ which allows you to use 35mm film with the camera. £40 though. Ouch. Not sure if would work out cheaper in the long run?

Actually, I lie. There is another solution. I win the lottery and buy the lot, Camera with flash, 35mm back, medium format film by the hundreds, 35mm film by the hundred, every lens and accessory known to man for the Diana+. This would be great. Along with this I genuinely like to get one of the old school Kodak folding cameras. They're proper snazzy and equally as decorative as they are wonderfully creative.
And while I'm dreaming, I'd like a tilt-shift lens for my canon 300D... I don't even know if this exists or not but I'd like one. Hey if I was a millionaire I could get one made for me! How good!?

Then obviously, I'd like;

A studio apartment in Oxford with a lot of light and A LOT of space.

An old school mini cooper, a proper nice one though, preferably with a chameleon [the purple/green colour] shell as well and a lush wooden dashboard and interior bits and bots. Don't want leather seats though, just something sleek, comfortable. With a decent sound system as I like my music. Lovely jubley.

Obviously I'm gunna need some sort of permanent storage for my paintings and what not. Maybe a workshop in the country bit of Oxford, somewhere quiet I can go to work or just chill. Maybe just a second home? Yeah, that'd be great.

I'd like to hire an architect and whatever else is involved in building my own home, preferably abroad. Somewhere like North Italy? I'd like to design as much of it as possibly and get it perfected and built for me. Though, I'd very much like to be involved every step of the way. I don't just want someone to do it for me. Give me a drill, a paintbrush, whatever it takes.

An Ipad. Apparently they're the biz and being an millionaire I need the techy stuff to go with the look.

A-ha! Look. Walk in wardrobe please and a million£ shopping spree to all the best places, Lots of clothes and shoes, etc.

Liquorice, the red stuff. And lots of it please. Makro do a bucket of it for £6.99. I'll take just a few of those ta :).

Books. Maybe just a chain of Waterstone's that I can access and borrow books from whenever I want to. Yep.

Same for films. That's obvious.

Iphone, Because I couldn't possibly carry the Ipad ALL the time. How inconvenient...

(I realise this blog has now turned into one massive fantasy... But I'm into it now so tough tits really)

A proper nice video camera. Preferably one which will record both still image and video onto mini dv tape or SD card. Underwater capabilities would be cool...

For all this tech I'm gunna need a seriously good Mac. Preferably a laptop/notebook so I can take it places..

Dr. Pepper. Not too much, I'd like at least some teeth when I'm old and grey.

Ah yes, A proper nice Gerbilarium for George and Jam. Maybe some new friends for them too?

The dog I saw today, maybe not the exact one but one as beautiful and well behaved please. [Picture in the next post]

The tribute tattoo on my foot. Lynda's design.

And while we're on the subject, the back piece I've wanted for a good while, after a bit more designing.

I'd like a new cover for my favourite cushion. I've always got better things to spend what little money I have on so this is definitely on my list.

New ring. I've already got my eye on one so that'll be an easy one. Plain silver with two theatrical masks on it.

4 Magazine subscriptions.
1. Elle Magazine. In my mind the best fashion magazine about. It SO much more creative than all the others. No shit.
2. Art Review. Gotta keep up with whats going on in the biz.
3. Not really sure which specifically but some sort of photography magazine. I don't mean techniques and skills and whatnot. But like high fashion, National Portrait Gallery standard stuff. Something to keep me inspired by photographs.
4. Countryfile. Bloody good magazine believe it or not. You get the odd article about sheep which can be a bit short of interesting but otherwise it's all good. Some decent photography as well.

Tate Lifetime Membership.

Almost forgot, I'd like my own gallery please. A really big space with high ceilings, antique-ey wooden floors, good lighting. Somewhere in a cool area which people will stumble across and wanna go in and explore.




ANYWAY I'm sure I'll add to this on occasion but for now... I'm gunna start a new one for my photographs.

Tomorrow, I will paint.

Today was another strange day. This morning I had to take George [the gerbil] to the vets, he cost me £25 to get fixed up and a heck of a lot more in worry.
Though, he is fine now. Turns out it was just a cyst and he should be okay if his brother stops beating him up. Gerbils ey...

After that I came home, literally minutes after which i got my first phone call of the day. Mother. She wished to know how the vets went and also to tell me I had to be ready at 5 [baring in mind it was roughly 12pm at the time] to go and visit my Grandma in hospital.
She got admitted last Friday as she was being sick and whatnot and also had no clue where she was, how old she was or of anyones names. Bad times. This happened to my Nan [mum's mum as apposed to dad's mum], she got admitted to hospital got this Dementia thing and has been in a care home ever since, slowly deteriorating until people are genuinely surprised when she says something as simple as 'hello'.
Though, on the bright side, we don't know exactly what is wrong with my Gran. Yes she's confused, yes she's weak but this could all be just a 'funny turn' as it is commonly referred to. Heck we all have our days, it's gunna be a little more extreme for an 80yr old woman, lets face it.
My dad has taken the attitude of 'it's just her time' which, though seriously negative, at least shows that he is prepared for what is ultimately inevitable.

Anyway it's a strange thing to witness in someone, for my Nan it was nothing surprising, she'd been half deaf for a long time before she started really deteriorating so it's not like a full blown conversation was expected. My Gran however, she's always been a bit nutty but we've never had this problem with her, she's not deaf [for an old lady anyway] and fully capable of holding a conversation, but now, she thinks she had jelly for breakfast. We play the 'whats that thing?' game with her ['whats that thing?'....'this?'....'no, that'...'this?'....'no no up a bit'....'this thing?'...'no behind that'....etc etc (it can go on for quite some time until everyone gives up)], she forgets names, talks to herself, wakes everyone up on her ward because she thinks she's at home and theres a burglar, sleeps in the bath, thinks she's 21 [instead of 80] yet knows her 3 sons and 1 daughter are stood in front of her as fully grown adults, tells us she needs to brush her teeth seconds after already doing so, etc. Its a tough thing to watch, everyone see's the funny side of it obviously, I'm sure anyone reading this will do so too but deep down you know it's not right. If her short term memory is this bad, how is she ever gunna know where she is? What if she forgets that she hasn't eaten or drank anything?
Like I said, it can be a strange thing to witness.

Second phone call was from father, telling me the exact same things mother had done. But the third was from my Aunt, Lynda. Lynda is the only creative influence in my family. She recently adopted my last creation, Eve and Jenny [two wire female forms - life size and all]. She utterly fell in love with them when she first saw them so instead of asking my mother to simply put up with having them in the garden, Lynda was happy to take them off our hands and do what I'd wanted to do with them. Well, I wanted to grow ivy up them but ivy is unstoppable as its best and not nearly as easy on the eye as the trailing flower Lynda bought to grow up them [can't remember the name, i'll be finding out though!] Anyway this made my life, but it wasn't what she phoned for.
She's recently had BIG problems with her back, unable to move without excruciating pain some days and signed off of work for good so we're off to the job centre on Thursday to make sure she stills gets the measly sick pay thing she's getting at the mo... Once again, things like Lynda getting ill seriously puts things in perspective. She's always been a manual laborer, she's worked for landscaping companies for years, she's a gardener, an explorer, a generally active woman and she's still doing most of the things she would have done before but now, she's dealing with the pain that comes with it. She's a strong and proud woman and I don't think I can bare the thought of the world losing such a pure soul ever, let alone in the near-ish future.

I've got big plans for a sort of tribute tattoo [though I personally think the term is really crud it sums up what it is quite well]. Lynda is a doodler, always has been, always will be. I remember a few months back we were shopping in town and came across a t-shirt which was printed with a female face, quite graffic-ey complete with flourishes in the hair, sketchy outlines etc etc. Well she draws stuff very similar. She's really into nature and flowers and suchlike, being a gardener, so obviously that comes across in her doodles. They're gorgeous, she's got some seriously talent. I got her to do a few doodles for me, not telling here what they were for but one of them is utterly perfect. 100% gunna get it tattooed on my foot. Might have to collage in some bits from some of her other doodles but only to make it work with the composition of my foot. otherwise it is genuine perfection. Just need the money now.


ANYWAY
On the way back from seeing my Gran, I happened to have my 400D on me, but I was stoopid enough to leave my macro lens on. It was too dark to take anything decent so I decided to just snap some stuff really close up, the obvious one was raindrops, its was bucketing down so the patterns on the windscreen changed regularly but I soon got bored of that.
Lights have always fascinated me so I was quick to notice them; headlights, streetlights, even the lights on the dashboard of my dads car. I simply LOVE the pictures that came out of it. Some of them are a mix of rain and lights, others just lights. They're not technically perfect at all but they are utterly beautiful. This is what further fueled my need to paint. Hence tomorrow, I will paint.
I've picked out three individual photographs which I really like. I think they'll really work as a triptych if I get the colours right. I hope so anyway.

I'll let you know.

P.s New book started, Dear John by Nicholas Sparks.

Bumming atm: A dubstep Remix I found on Youtube of Numb by Linkin Park.

Drifting.

So at the moment, I'm in Reading, I've been back since last Saturday and I feel like I left my soul in Oxford. There is something genuinely missing and it's not so much getting me down but I've lost that spark, the fire, the passion.

I've completed 2 and finished 1 book since I've been back. My Sisters Keeper is an absolute gem. Wouldn't so much recommend the film [I watched it after reading the book and it just didn't match up], though the character of the daughter with leukemia was a cracking choice on the film makers behalf. The other book I read was Lucky from the writer of Lovely Bones, Alice Sebold. SUCH a good book, its shocking, brutally honest and utterly moving. Its a true story about how Sebold was raped when she was 18. Highly recommend.

Though besides this I've not done much. Besides becoming utterly fascinated with watching Countryfile, my life is very much affected by whatever is going on in my house and whatever my mind tells me my mood is doing.

I've not even made a start on any of the things I told myself I would do while I'm free.
Painting.
Walking.
Job Hunting.
etc..

Beautiful City.

You don't realize how beautiful some places are when you're not in the mood to see it. Today i went punting, its so calming to just chill on the river with lots of good people.

Need to make more effort to spend time around the good people in life. I've been so wrapped up in my own shit that I'd forgotten to appreciate others.... and everything around me for that matter.

Oxford is a stunning city when you really explore it. Some of the back streets alone as amazing.
This week is gunna be a good one for exploring I think. If its really sunny I will make a point of going out and seeing what Oxford is all about.

"I began to feel like a tree whose roots had at last broken into the rich, wet soil deep beneath the surface."

I've just read the book of Memoirs of a Geisha. I seriously forgot how captivating the storyline is. Amazing book, seriously recommend reading it, its really easy going as well, besides the odd Japanese name, its so simple to read. The author also uses a lot of metaphors for simple things in life, which makes the book beautifully thought-provoking.

The way the Geisha view life is incredible; They refer to this book [can't remember the name of it] every day to see whether it is lucky to travel a certain way or what the day holds for them if they do it right. Seriously superstitious stuff.

One part which really had me in awe was when the lead female's personality is described to be much like water; how it finds a new path if it is obstructed. I Like the idea that when things go bad in life, its up to ourselves to find a 'new path' to follow.

"When the silence surrounds you and holds you."

"

I Love these songs [no particular order]

1. Owl City - Fireflies
2. Cinematic Orchestra - Build a Home.
3. Lionel Richie - Hello
4. Paramore - The Only Exception
5. Mute Math - You are Mine
6. Thirteen Senses - Into the Fire
7. Aqualung - Strange and Beautiful
8. Massive Attack - Teardrop
9. Civil Twilight - Human
10. Mellowdrone - Orange Marmalade




Glee has become somewhat of a guilty pleasure recently.
And I still love The Vampire Diaries.

Start Again.

So my last post was actually weeks ago. I'm thinking, i've given myself too much of a strict routine to stick by. When do i ever stick to a routine? Come to think of it... when do I ever stick to anything!? what makes me think i'll be able to stick to this? Silly silly Emma.

So im gunna start a fresh; post whatever I feel like [though I will try to make a few of them arty related, a lot of them will probably the ramblings of Emma's crazy mind].

Week 11.